SHERWOOD PARK PSYCHOLOGISTS
CALGARY PSYCHOLOGISTS
Parental Madness
Friday, May 26, 2023
In this week’s blog we want to consider the “invisible”, but all-too-real mental load that comes with parenting. This matters because it can sometimes become so great that it borders on madness. With that in mind, we offer 5 practical tips to support yourself and your partner in being not just “better” parents, but more real, grounded people who also happen to be parents.
Parental Madness
Being a parent is one of life’s great joys and adventures. It is also a source of great uncertainty, fear, and too often, despair bordering on “madness”. What’s worse is that no one wants to talk about it. It’s almost as if society - including friends and relatives - doesn’t want to hear about the “dark side” of parenting because they’re living it themselves, or the consensus opinion is “you made a choice to become a parent so live with it”. There is, of course, another and better way of seeing this.
Here, we want to consider the “invisible”, but all-too-real mental load that comes with parenting. This matters because it can sometimes become so great that it borders on madness. With that in mind, we offer 5 practical tips to support yourself and your partner in being not just “better” parents, but more real, grounded people who also happen to be parents.
Paris Paloma, the UK-based singer-songwriter, has struck a chord with many parents – and especially with mothers – in her anthemic song, “Labour”. Here she gives voice to the silent storm that too often rages within:
All day, every day
Therapist, mother, maid
Nymph then a virgin, nurse than a servant
Just an appendage, live to attend him
So that he never lifts a finger
Twenty-four seven, baby machine
So he can live out his picket fence dreams
It's not an act of love if you make her
You make me do too much labour
The expectations of the stay-at-home parent, traditionally a woman, have become astronomical. Could this be the reason so many people are struggling under the weight of unreasonable expectations? Each day at Wholeness Psychology Centre we work with women and men who suffer from one or more of the following:
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Unreasonable stress at homework time
- Routine and consequences
- Uncontrollable children
- Disagreements with co-parenting
- Depression
- Fear of their child
- Guilt
- Not knowing how to proceed with discipline
- Feeling the need to be perfect
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Not knowing how to deal with behavioural issues
- Not knowing how to deal with their child’s disorder diagnosis (autism, oppositional defiant disorder, ADD/ADHD, learning disorders, etc.)
If any of these concerns sound familiar, don’t despair; in our experience, there are 5 proven ways to effectively support the stay-at-home parent and help mitigate the risk of “madness”
- Communication
- Delegation of responsibilities
- Accepting Mess
- Self-care
- Support
Communication: You guessed it, the key is good, clear and concise communication. Silent expectations can suffocate even the healthiest of relationships.
Delegation of responsibilities: We need to prevent burnout in all areas of our lives. Completing repetitive tasks with added stimulation can lead to sensory overload. Work with your partner to help divide responsibilities to achieve the same expectations with an even task load.
Accepting Mess: A spotless space doesn’t equate to a perfect parent. Create a basic cleaning standard and let the rest dissipate. Your child covering the stove top with goopy egg mess may be an eye-sore, but it is also a statement of independence - Creativity is messy.
Self-care: No matter how busy – or chaotic – your life might be, it is absolutely critical that you set aside some time to invest in yourself. A few examples of self-care are: 30 minutes of exercise, eating a healthy meal, staying hydrated, participating in a relaxing activity such as breathing exercises or muscle relaxation and focusing on positivity.
Support: Staying connected to loved ones, friends and family plays an important role in emotional and practical support which can help us check in with ourselves and give us the opportunity to ask for help before we feel overwhelmed. Support can also look like reaching out to a mental health professional.
As a parent, it’s sometimes hard to know the best way to deal with challenges associated with parenting. It can be especially challenging when your child (or children) is struggling or going through a particular phase in their development. Matters can be made even worse if you and your partner are on two different pages and have different views of how to co-parent.
If you feel alone in your parenting journey, unsure of what to do or how to cope, or you are experiencing any of the stressors or challenges mentioned above, feel free to reach out to the team at Wholeness Psychology. Matching you to a skilled and qualified therapist, we will help you to navigate your feelings and make healthy relationship decisions moving forward – for yourself and the entire family.
Parental Madness
Friday, May 26, 2023
Hi, I Am Jessica
REGISTERED PSYCHOLOGIST
